


Five Ways . . .

by Beth H (bethbethbeth)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, M/M, Soulmates, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-03
Updated: 2006-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-06 00:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethbethbeth/pseuds/Beth%20H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Ways the HP Series Won't be ruined for Snarry fans after the seventh book is published (...and obviously written before the seventh book was published)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Ways . . .

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [五个结局](https://archiveofourown.org/works/393925) by [fiammanda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiammanda/pseuds/fiammanda)



> _So there I was, having a little in-journal chat with Dementor Delta about HP conferences and traveling and the like, and she said (mostly tongue in cheek) "I figure I've got to get all this stuff in before Book 7 comes out and ruins the series for me!" - and so...I wrote a quick little bit of commentfic touching on five ways the HP Series won't be ruined for Snarry Fans. :)_
> 
> (["Five Ways the HP Series Won't Be Ruined for Snarry Fans"](http://beth-h.dreamwidth.org/20038.html) has been translated into Chinese by Mel_Nakuru on four [Members](http://lovesev.net/viewthread.php?tid=1613&extra=page%3D1) [Only](http://snarry.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=1189&extra=page%3D1) [](http:)Sites - and also by Flammanda on Silvergreen, [a Slytherin-centric members only site)](http://silvergreen.org/viewthread.php?tid=4869)
> 
> Translated into Czech by [Rocia Mixan](http://rocia.webnode.cz/preklady/pet-moznosti/)

**Way #1**

Slowly, he picked his way through the rubble of what had once been the Ministry of Magic until he found a familiar looking archway, now lying flat and cracked on the floor. Cautiously, Harry reached down and lifted the shimmering veil.

"About damned time, Potter," rasped Severus Snape, as he crawled up through the fallen archway.

Harry blinked. "What about...Sirius?"

"Your idiot godfather's right behind me. Now get out of my way so that...why are you staring at me with that fatuous expression on your face?"

"You're.... Bloody hell, Snape: you're gorgeous!"

Severus blinked, then blushed. "Ah. Yes, well...hmm...the masking glamour must have worn off while I've been dead, I suppose."

"So," Harry said, kicking at the dusty floor with one trainer-clad foot. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"Plans?" said Severus. "What plans could I have? I've been dead for months."

"Oh, right."

"I'm not saying no, Potter."

***

**Way #2**

"Are you sure this is going to work, Mr. Jigger?"

"Of course it will, Harry. Between my potions skill and the help of the team of American doctors who've secretly been conducting independent cloning trials, I believe we've come up with a simple method of providing your boyf...this inferi with a never-ending supply of this specially formulated dietary supplement, developed specifically for his special needs.

"Braaaaaaaaains!" said Severus Snape, as he reached for the oddly-flavored scones.

***

**Way #3**

"But...I saw that curse hit you!" Harry said in disbelief. "You should be...dead!"

"I am," said Severus.

"But...."

"Undead, to be precise."

Harry frowned. "But the Headmaster said you _weren't_ a vampire."

"Oh, Harry," Albus said, popping out from his very clever hiding place. "There were so many secrets I couldn't share with you."

***

**Way #4**

"Harry," Hermione said softly, rubbing gentle circles on her friend's back. "You can't stay out here all night."

"She's right, mate," Ron said. "Kingsley said you could have some time, but...they need to take Snape's body off the battlefield now and...."

"NO!" Harry cried, falling to his knees. "I can't live if Severus is gone!"

Hermione and Ron stared at each other in horror as the young man they thought they knew threw himself on top of Severus Snape's still body and started kissing him.

"Harry?" Hermione said.

"Go away!" Harry ssid, tears streaming down his face. "You don't understand. None of you could possibly understand! He was my soulmate! He was my fairy tale prince. He...."

"...is alive, you blithering idiot," Severus snarled as he pushed himself up off the cold ground.

"You're...alive?"

Snape sneered. "Oh, very good, Potter. What did you _think_ would happen if you gave me the soulmate kiss of life?"

Harry's eyes widened. "So...we really _are_ soulmates!"

"Yes, yes...I hope you're satisfied. Now, move away...you're getting tears and snot all over my robes."

Harry sighed happily. "Yes, dear."

***

**Way #5**

"Oh, bloody hell," Harry muttered when he finally got his eyes to stay open longer than three seconds at a time. "I'm...dead?"

"You are," Severus said.

"But how...."

"The prophecy, Potter."

"Well, yeah...neither can live while something or other, right?"

Severus nodded. "Apparently the "neither can live" part was the relevant point."

"Oh." Harry looked back through the Veil. "Did I kill Voldemort, at least?"

"Yes. Congratulations about that, by the way."

"Thanks," said Harry "So...now what? What am I supposed to do now?"

"Well, you could cmvrtmplacfrsmt."

"Pardon?"

"I _said_," Severus snapped, "that you could come over to my place for some tea."

"Oh. You have a place here?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "What did you think...that I just floated around in the mist all day?"

Harry glared at his former teacher. "Has anybody ever told you that you're an arse?"

Snape sighed. "Just about everybody."

Harry smiled. "Okay, then. So...how about that tea."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there's a lot of dead people in this, but it's a parody!


End file.
